I have nothing more to add.

On Sunday - 365 days after reaching the age of twenty-nine - I, with some inevitability, turned thirty.

Although the age changing process wasn’t all that bad, I can’t help but feel that I’ve let down the writers of all those ‘Things to Do Before You’re Thirty’ articles in magazines, due to having done virtually none of them.

I have never gone bungee jumping. I have never driven a racing car, become a vegetarian, or seen the Pyramids. Nor have I owned a convertible, a motorbike, or a boat. Unless the rubber dinghy I had when I was nine counts, in which case I can cross that last one off my list.

I haven’t been to the Grand National, been chased through European towns by angry bulls, or hiked the length of the Great Wall of China.

I’ve never built a well for the people of Africa, nor have I built one for anyone else. At gay pride marches in Russia I have been conspicuous by my absense.

I have not served in the armed forces, stood up to Japanese whaling fleets, or slept with Daniella Westbrook. At least, not to my knowledge.

My feet have neither trodden on a polar ice cap nor touched a surfboard. I have never auditioned for the X-Factor. Similarly, I have never been a Big Brother housemate, something which I remain eternally grateful for.

I have never been sentenced to six years in jail for gun running. Nor have I been sentenced to six years in jail for anything else.

In fact, I’m beginning to come to the conclusion that I haven’t done anything whatsoever in the past three decades. Maybe it’s time I got my finger out and actually did something constructive with my time. Let’s face it, Daniella Westbrook isn’t going to shag herself.

Actually, is Daniella Westbrook still alive? I know her nose fell off, but is that fatal? Surely not.

Anyway, on another note, the forum is now active again, and I’m working on a new article, so all is well with Random Rant for now. If you haven’t looked through the rest of the site, go do it now. Some of us have work to do.

All being well it’s currently the day before the day before Christmas, and this blog entry has auto-published on the right date. If it is then respect due to me for figuring it out. If this publishes on any other day then you have my full permission to call me a fucking retard.

So I should probably fill you in on my lengthy absence. It was a combo of things, really. I was working in a variety of jobs I loathed, until I settled in my current job which is the greatest working arrangement I could possibly hope for.
I also got involved in writing - brace yourself - children’s books. I’ve been a writer for hire on a new series by Egmont Press, and my two books will be released in March 2008. Can’t say much about them at the minute, other than that they are aimed at 7-9 year olds.

On the back of that Egmont have expressed an interest in my own book - a dark, messed up horror for 9-12 year olds which has already terrified one test reader to the point she can no longer sleep without her mother sleeping in the bunk bed below. Again, I can’t say much about it all yet until I speak with the editorial team again in late January. Stay tuned for updates, though.

Can’t be arsed writing any more at the minute, but will do before Crimbo.

B’bye for now!

Baz

Okay, so you’re probably wondering where I’ve been. That’s something of a long story. It’s a tale of adventure, intrigue and romantic reconciliation. Oh, and Disneyland. Winnie the Pooh says ‘Hi’.

The important thing is Random Rant is back. Over the next few weeks I’ll be adding new bits and bobs, including an all new forum. Unfortunately it’s impossible to import all the old stuff from the previous forum, so we’ll be starting from scratch. On the plus side, registering for the new forum will allow you into the inner sanctum of Random Rant and give you exclusive members only access to a number of new areas of the site which I’ll be sticking up in the New Year.

There have been a lot of exciting happenings in the merry old world of Baz over the past few months, more details of which will be revealed in these pages shortly. For now, though, I have to run. This Christmas content isn’t going to write itself.

Baz