On Sunday - 365 days after reaching the age of twenty-nine - I, with some inevitability, turned thirty.

Although the age changing process wasn’t all that bad, I can’t help but feel that I’ve let down the writers of all those ‘Things to Do Before You’re Thirty’ articles in magazines, due to having done virtually none of them.

I have never gone bungee jumping. I have never driven a racing car, become a vegetarian, or seen the Pyramids. Nor have I owned a convertible, a motorbike, or a boat. Unless the rubber dinghy I had when I was nine counts, in which case I can cross that last one off my list.

I haven’t been to the Grand National, been chased through European towns by angry bulls, or hiked the length of the Great Wall of China.

I’ve never built a well for the people of Africa, nor have I built one for anyone else. At gay pride marches in Russia I have been conspicuous by my absense.

I have not served in the armed forces, stood up to Japanese whaling fleets, or slept with Daniella Westbrook. At least, not to my knowledge.

My feet have neither trodden on a polar ice cap nor touched a surfboard. I have never auditioned for the X-Factor. Similarly, I have never been a Big Brother housemate, something which I remain eternally grateful for.

I have never been sentenced to six years in jail for gun running. Nor have I been sentenced to six years in jail for anything else.

In fact, I’m beginning to come to the conclusion that I haven’t done anything whatsoever in the past three decades. Maybe it’s time I got my finger out and actually did something constructive with my time. Let’s face it, Daniella Westbrook isn’t going to shag herself.

Actually, is Daniella Westbrook still alive? I know her nose fell off, but is that fatal? Surely not.

Anyway, on another note, the forum is now active again, and I’m working on a new article, so all is well with Random Rant for now. If you haven’t looked through the rest of the site, go do it now. Some of us have work to do.