Rants
You might think it would get tiring being mistaken for former "Home James" star Jim Davidson when talking to people over the phone and the like, but I always find it funny. "You're Jim Davidson?" they say, and I say "yes, but not that Jim Davidson" and then we both laugh! It's lovely.

Sometimes, though, the person continues to make Jim Davidson comments even after the confusion is cleared up. Sometimes they say "Nick Nick" to me in an amusing voice. Then it's not funny. Then I don't laugh. Sometimes that makes me so angry I cut myself with these here knives to let the crimson rage gush out onto the carpet. Some people just don't know where to draw the line.

Baz gets angry sometimes - not just at me, but at other people too. Because it's impossible to put every person he gets angry with on the crude, home-made electric chair he fashioned for me, he writes letters to them expressing his feelings. Below you'll find all the letters he's sent to date.

Dear Fat Bloke Down the Road
Image An open letter sent to the fat bloke who lives along the road from me, asking him to leave me alone.
 
That's Shit - May
Vintage car drivers - aren't they shit? Another month, another visit to the League Table of Shit.  Come see the standings for this month.
 
Dear People of Earth...
Image An open letter written to the assembled people of Earth on the day that I take up my rightful place as ruler.
 
That's Shit - March
JK & Joel are shit A few things I've come to decide are a steaming pile of shit, in our all new League Table of Shit.
 
An Open Letter to the Dull
Image A recent letter to all dullards everywhere, imploring them to please, for the love of God, just stop.
 
Dear Kids Outside the Co-op
A letter addressed to the thirty or more teenagers who appear to spend every waking hour of their lives hanging about outside my local Co-op.
 
The Smoked Sausage Situation
When your two year old finds a fragment of...something in his reformed pork sausage, there's only one thing to do.  Bitch about it.
 
Herts Box Office
A letter written to the overcharging, ticket hoarding Herts Box Office on behalf of a friend of mine who tried to buy tickets for T In the Park.
 
A Letter to God
A lengthy letter sent to the Lord God Who Art in Heaven, because somebody had to have a word with the big imaginary fucker.
 
The Great ELC Toy Giveaway!
A letter sent to the Early Learning Centre after they managed to make my infant son cry for two hours without stopping.
 
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