Let's kick off the new year with an old favourite as we delve gently but firmly into another Charity Shop Tat Bag. We are, of course, up against overwhelming odds if we hope to live up to the excruciatingly high standard set by Charity Shop Tat Bag 4, but it's 2006, dammit - a bold, take-no-prisoners kinda year, and by God we're going to give it our best shot!

Without any further fannying around then, let's ease this baby open, stick an enthusiastic, grasping hand inside and see what we can come up with.

Item 1: Chas & Dave Video
Purchased: Shelter, Inverness
Cost: £1

Once again Shelter in Inverness comes up trumps. Following four absolute belters in a row in Tat Bag 4, Shelter maintains its unblemished record with "Chas & Dave: Boots, Braces & Blue Suede Shoes" on VHS.

I actually have a vague recollection of being given this very video, or one very similar at least as a particularly ironic gift about ten years ago or so, but I have no idea what happened to it. I like to think this is that copy and that it's finally returned home.

Featuring "over sixty minutes of non-stop party time" what we have here is classic Chas & Dave in all their glory.

I fully appreciate that at least 75% of you reading this will have no idea who Chas & Dave are, and while I'd love to be counted among that percentage, unfortunately I know of them all too well.

A couple of London likely lads, Chas & Dave have entertained and delighted literally dozens of people across the world with their unique musical stylings, including such works as "Snooker Loopy", "Baked a Cake", and the haunting tearjerker "My Old Man's a Dustman".

For a trifling one British pound, I managed to secure a 70 minute video of Chas & Dave performing all of their "Rockney" hits before a live audience of eighty-year old women; jeering, drunken hecklers; and frightened children crying to be taken home.

But please don't be fooled into thinking that all you get here is 4200 painful seconds of knees-up musical hilarity. Oh my, my, no. You also get a detailed history of Chas & Dave themselves inside the box, packed with all manner of interesting facts about the duo. Did you know, for example, that in his younger days Chas was renowned around London for always missing the late bus home? Or that Dave... Actually, it doesn't really say anything about Dave other than that he used to know a bloke with a car. That's proper old school Rock and Roll is that.

Anyway, that's it - it's unashamedly a Chas & Dave video, no more, no less, and it's already got "car boot sale" written all over it.

We're sticking with the music video theme for our next item. And the Blue Suede Shoes theme, I just realised. Such a coincidence deserves a much smoother link, but it's not getting one. I'm a nasty, nasty man.

Item 2: 'Love Me Tender' with Liberty Mounten and his orchestra
Purchased: Sue Ryder, Glasgow
Cost: £1.20

"How many times have you wished you could have seen the King himself perform live?" asks the back cover of this amateurishly produced, non BBFC certified video. The cover goes on to inform us that the brilliantly named Liberty Mounten is "the next best thing, here before you with his 15-piece orchestra."

Most people who know me will tell you I'm a sucker for Elvis, and even more of a sucker for Elvis impersonators, so finding this nestling between True Lies and Last of the Summer Wine on the VHS shelf in the Sue Ryder shop can only be compared to looking for some change down the back of the couch and finding the entire cast of Saved By the Bell - you're struck dumb with excitement, but don't under any circumstances want anyone else to realise this.

The back of the box is a conflicting mess of confusion and misinformation. It tells us we're about to watch "The Liberty Mountain Show from the USA Revue Spectaculaire", then goes onto say it was filmed in Croydon. Which one are we supposed to believe, Liberty? And is that really how you spell spectacular? Or has the person writing the copy tried to spice things up with a very small smattering of French? And yes, the box really does spell the poor guy's second name wrong. That's fucking disgraceful is that.

Since the only thing better than a good Elvis Tribute Artist is a bad one, I was dearly hoping for Liberty's performance to be absolutely shocking. Surprisingly it wasn't. He's actually pretty good in his own little way. You don't at any point think you're watching Elvis, but close your eyes and put a couple of pillows over your face and head and you can almost convince yourself you're listening to someone who sounds dead like him. For Elvis impersonators this is high praise indeed.

So with £2.20 of my budget gone and only an averagely impressive haul filling the Tat Bag I thought this shopping spree was all but over. Really, what can you get for 30p these days, even in charity shops? It was time, I suspected, to put the Tat back into Tat Bag. I expected to find a throwaway, unfunny piece of junk. A chipped and cracked ornament, perhaps, or a neglected piece of crockery. I thought the Tat Bag was all funnied out for the month, and I was right.

Item 3: Hulk Hogan - Leader of the Gang Audio Cassette
Purchased: Save the Children, Fort William
Cost: 20p

Gotcha, suckas! I played you fools like a cheap violin. Did you really expect me to end this Tat Bag on such a downer? Gullible schmucks.

What do you get if you cross former WWF Superstar Hulk Hogan with 80's Glam Legend Gary Glitter? No, not the most relentless and unstoppable child molester who ever lived. What you get is this tape featuring "Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Trash Can Band with Green Jelly" performing Glitter's "Leader of the Gang".

The tape actually features three tracks - "Leader of the Gang", "Thing-a-ma-bob", and "Hulkomaniac", though only the first and last of these feature the unique vocal stylings of the Hulkster. "Thing-a-ma-bob" is a nonsensical piece of guff we'd all be better of ignoring completely, so let's all go ahead and do just that.

I've made the other two tracks available in the all new and shiny download section as they both have to be heard to be believed.

Track 1 on the album - Leader of the Gang - is exactly what you'd expect really. It's two and a half minutes of Hulk Hogan barking and snarling vaguely in time with a backing track. I've never noticed before, but one of the lines of the song is "He can make you jump out of bed, stand you on your head". Makes you wonder how it took them so long to figure out what Gary Glitter was up to, eh?

Track 2 - Hulkomaniac - is the real unexpected treasure. A haunting ballad about the death of a child, and featuring such breathtaking imagery as "I used to tear my shirt, but now you've torn my heart", this is undoubtedly my favourite B Side of any single ever, although this is largely because I can't think of any other ones off hand. Incredibly Hogan almost manages to carry the tune here, and it takes a few moments to realise it's actually him singing, simply because he's not shouting the lyrics in a bewildering and aggressive fashion. It's still painful to listen to though, don't get me wrong.

I feel quite bad for laughing at what is obviously meant to be a touching and heartfelt song. I'm not sure why I find it so funny, though they way Hogan appears to be hinting that he's Jesus may have something to do with it. Go listen to it for yourself and see what I mean. Maybe I'm just a sicko.

So that rounds things up for another Tat Bag. Yes, I had 10p left over this time round, but there was nothing worth buying at that price so I'll break with tradition and let it roll over to next month. This gives me a whole £2.60 to spend on second hand brilliance next time round, which is quite fitting since if you rearrange the numbers in £2.60 you get 2006. Sort of, if you substitute the decimal point for another zero.

Ah forget it.